“Celestial Cleaning”? Seems a bit… euphemistic to me - as if you’re going to hook him to a celestial dialyzer. You can dress it up all you like, but you’re still sucking someone’s life force out through a sword. Why not call a spade a spade? “Celestial Life-Drain Through A Sword”. Has a nice ring to it, actually.
Must be a celestial/paladin thing to convince one’s self that “it’s not really that evil”.
– Marco 2009-12-03 08:46 UTC
They call him “Hygiene Manager Siha"…
I like renaming and personalizing of spells.
– Alex 2009-12-03 11:37 UTC
I see. Do you think we should change the school to Conjuration (Healing, Good) while we’re at it, or should we rather convince ourselves that the spell only detect as Necromancy because of all of that negative, undead energy coming from those seemly living creatures?
– Marco 2009-12-03 12:08 UTC
I think it is YOU who needs some celestial cleaning!! Anyway, necromancy is fine, because thats the school you need to suck all that evil life energy (for cleaning inside Siha’s body). And it’s only temporary anyway, meaning after one hour the evil lifeforce is pure and cleaned and leaves Sihas body again and flies up to celestia. aaaaaah, that’s so goooood. Gotta love it. Can’t wait to spread the love!
– Marcel 2009-12-03 13:11 UTC
Siha, as a lawful good character using this power on an evil character does increase the total amount of good in the world, since it strengthens the good faction (him) and weakens the evil faction (monsters). Things would be different if the spell had an evil descriptor. Which it doesn’t.
And it does make sense within the D&D universe, similar in vein to a Paladin slaughtering hordes of helpless goblin babies. Which is also a good thing to do, because goblins are an evil race, and therefore this will NOT lead to alignment problems for the pally.
Oh the joys of absolute good/evil!
– Jonas 2009-12-03 13:11 UTC
Where are your vampire overlords, my friends!?
– Alex 2009-12-03 13:14 UTC
I love listening to paladins convince themselves of their righteousness.
May I suggest some further ‘phrase modernizations’? Creating undead could be called ‘recycling’. Sneak attacks and backstabs could be called ‘tactical combat’. Torture becomes ‘information retrieval’. Butchering villagers could be renamed to ‘spiritual relocation’. Ethnic clensing can be renamed to, well.. ethnic clensing.
You know, with terms like these everyone can be lawful good! Oh, wow. Just think how clean we’re gonna make everyone! Squeaky clean. Spotless, even!
Hmm… I better stop there. My sarcastic enthusiasm is running away with itself. Gives me an idea for a new DnD character though…
– Marco 2009-12-03 14:24 UTC
Sneak attacks and backstabs are a good thing. You reduce the suffering of the target by doing large amounts of damage in one hit, possibly even a one-hit kill. This in comparison to the many different hits that a fighter would need to kill the creature, a slower death, needless torture. Therefore, it should be named ‘compassionate strike’.
Also, torture as a method of getting information is now ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’, as pioneered by our american friends in guantanamo.
Butchering villagers however….is tricky. We need two words for that, each with appropriate implications. One is for butchering evil villagers, one for butchering neutral or good villagers. The heinous crime that is butchering non-evil villagers must not be called ‘spiritual relocation’, which is specifically the act of butchering evil villagers.
….and I’ve always thought that the fervor and zealotry of paladins make them something of a paragon of evil (evil in real-world terms, not in D&D terms, of course ). The only thing that separates a paladin from a blackguard is that they are also racist/alignment-ist. Blackguards kill everyone the same, paladins only people and races that have an (often arbitrary) evil label…to go back to the goblin babies, even if they never did anything to harm anyone, being goblin alone makes them an valid target.
– Jonas 2009-12-03 14:51 UTC