1165 Pamphlet

A brief history of humanity

Written in elvish, this work is a 12-page report on the subject of history. It was authored by Uzo, the Ravenman in the late winter of 1163. Overall the writing is cruel though it has specs of admiration and warmth. The prose is amateurish at best. The artwork is crude and rough. The vocabulary is very complicated and contains a lot of made up words.

1st page

A drawing of two humans wearing outdated clothes. It is titled: “In a [[time_before_time?]]” The captions are:

Human: “Hello, friend. I couldn't help but notice that Lizardmen tribes have ruined our draconic masters."

other Human: “Indeed. Perhaps now that the mightiest beings in the world have retreated, us humans can finally rise to world relevance.

2nd page

A rendering of a golden statue depicting Narrgh, the mighty, a famed Badgerman leader and 14th High Warlord of the [[Cyclopean_Council?]]. Narrgh is making a dismissive gesture. Next to the statue is a minuscule sketch of a human assuming a submissive posture. The captions are:

Statue: “Check it out, humie slaves, I'm made of gold. Gold I stole from the Grand Pyramid of Ylath.”

Human: “It is amazing indeed. Gold is a valuable commodity. You are very powerful and I have no choice but to submit to my servile instincts and become your vassal. I totally didn't have any plans for world relevance, by the way.

3rd page

Some High Warlords later

There is a drawing of a human mounted on a horse. The human is wearing a golden crown and expensive armor as well as weapons. This is a depiction of Tamun I, first King of the [[Treasure_Realm?]] and chief of the Horse tribe.

King: “Finally, after many years of humiliating subservience, I have secured myself a piece of territory for me and my fellow human subjects. Even though this feat was only possible after my superior Badger subjugators died, I consider my achievement a superhuman feat. I am a god. I will finally achieve world relevance by becoming the most devout servant of Ylath's pope on this world and give him all my money.

t. Tamun the """great"""

4th page

There is a sketch of a human in less fancy garments, standing in opposite to the rider, but still on a seperate page. The human is making a plaintif gesture towards the rider

Human: “Please excuse me. I couldn't help but notice that your definition of "devout" wildly differs from my own. I also believe that Ylath is just a dumb dragon who tries to string us humans along with his fantasies of world conquest, using us as a mere means to an end, and should therefore not recieve our support. I will now engage in petty squabbles so my vision of an abstract concept becomes the most relevant.

t. Quant, the radiant, Cleric of Elrath

4th page

And thus, the humans fought amongst themselves, almost until the dawn of history. All in a desperate bid to prove who was more relevant and rule over the western expanse. And because they couldn't agree on anything, the serious religious discussion from before became a joke. At the dawn of history, humans were the laughing stock of both the civilized and savage community of nations, and possible even beyond that.

As for the rest of our world:

The crafty Goblins united under Asnos leadership and united the whole eastern drylands. They called it the [[Scarlet_Scourge?]], Elsmotsong.

The graceful Elves came down from their trees and took the woods for themselves from the Monkey- and Pigpeople. They called it the Realm of the [[Greatest_Leap?]], Lirathiti.

The stout Dwarves overcame the same trials as the humans, cast off the yoke of the Molepeople and Mushroom men and reclaimed land from the harsh mountain ranges. They called it the Kingdom of the [[Oaken_Tomes?]], Kinmelbil.

Even the skulking Kobolds got themselves unprecedented success at some point in their history. They called it "Kuzvorentoi", whatever that means.

5th page

A caption reads: But even in a pseudo species with a aristocracy as hopelessly inbred as the humans there is still a chance for the birth of the kind of prodigy that only appears every 50 generations. At last it happened.

Below the caption is a Portrait of a human wearing a golden crown. The picture’s caption reads:

I hate people who disagree with me but I hate non-humans even more.

t. Bledia the Great

6th page

This page contains a depiction of Bledia the great. Bledia is surrounded by humans who raise their weapons or fingers into the air. The picture relates to the second founding of the [[Treasure_Realm?]] in [[Vaultshores?]] before the dawn of history. The caption reads:

This statement alone caused a breakthrough in human thought. Led by this "genius'" rethoric, the humans brought their inferiority complex to new heights. They were now united as one. The humans were finally living in one Realm. Undivided in their quest for relevance, they decided to nickname their country the Holy Land.

7th page

This page has a painting on it. It depicts the human king Bledia reading at a finely crafted desk. The desk is located in a lavishly decorated library. Bledia is crying out.

Desperate to prove themselves relevant to the whole world, the humans frantically searched for a reason to start a war they could win.

The death of an irrelevant dwarven prince in some backwater country with a vague connection with the """Emperor""" was all they needed to start war.

The painting’s caption reads:

He is on the same taxonomic rank as us, a pure-bred human!"

8th page

With inflated egos, they decided to declare war against the entire world.

The humans fought this war quite seriously, exterminating anyone in their path and using all sorts of underhanded tricks. They were dead-set on world domination.

The rest of the page is covered with battle illustrations. Humans fighting against Goblins, Elves, Kobolds and various kinds of Beastpeople.

9th page

This page contains several pictures depicting everyday life in elvish, goblin and beastman communities.

But the rest of the world wasn't taking it so seriously. They could have easily exterminated the humans, had they stooped half as low as them. But, as prudent people, they didn't want to deprive future generations from observing one of creations most hilarious mistakes. So they fought defensively.

The human advance was dead in its tracks. Infuriated and with no way to show the relevance of their "Knights", they committed dastardly actions (that became a human tradition): Hurt defenseless people. They started purging non-human civilians. Their biggest mistake was the purging of a Ravenpeople ghetto.

10th page


The mere uttering of this name is enough to drive any human into a spastic fit. Ravenpeople sought only to be a community independant from their non-raven overlords. They destroyed the tyranny ruling over them, becoming an independant nation of free people. They spread across the world and wherever they went, they were respected and successful members of their espective communities, establishing friendly relations with various nations and tribes around the world.

Ravenpeople represent everything humans with they were. The funniest thing about it is that Ravenpeople were never aiming towards becoming great and respected. They reached it as a side-effect of being decent, likeable kin worthy of trust.

Ravenpeople are peace-loving creatures by nature. But not even them could stand by and witness such tragedies perpetrated by the most ignoble of people. The Ravens went to war and immediately crushed the powerless, incompetent human "Knights". That their """Emperor""" disappeared without a trace one day was only to their detriment as well.

But not even with such righteous anger in their hearts, the Ravenpeople could not bring themselves to end these incomplete beings. So the humans were confined to the western expanse and divided into their ancient tribes, forbidden to unite and placing Raven and goblin occupation forces in control. This was to see if the humans had any capacity in their brains to learn anything besides fanaticism, specism and imperialism.

a crude sketch of a goblin whipping chairbound humans is added.

11th page

The page contains a depiction of the Ravenman philosopher Rud Pinkcinnamon. Rud is delivering a speech in front of humans. The humans take an agressive stance towards nearby goblins.

But Ravens frequently succumb to one of their few vices: Eagerness to forgive. And after knowing of the suffering that people under goblin rule are subject to, Mercy grabs the hand of righteousness. In the end it had to be a non-human unifying the human tribes yet again.

And less than 60 generations later, they are back to their old tricks. Insidious. Petty. Presumpuous. Cowardly. They have mistaken kindness for weakness yet again.

So let my lesson to you be this, dear reader: Never forget the past, or risk repeating history.

Define external redirect: Treasure Realm Oaken Tomes time before time Greatest Leap Cyclopean Council Vaultshores Scarlet Scourge