15 May 2021

Players: Tostor Falo (TF), Sir Leopold (SL), George the Cleric (GC)

NPCs: Eddard & Lubenica

Corpse is a couple days old. A chunk, a bite, has been taken out of it. Decay has started. The room has no windows. Cieling has chandeliers. SL goes back upstairs to look through a window and check on the courtyard cards. Three are still there and two are asleep. SL thinks not much else is achievable without dealing with the guards. SL checks the main gate, and it is slightly open. SL moves corpse from the door. A plan to sneak around them to the gatehouse is discussed. Instead, we decide to attack. SL unlocks door and we rush out.

TF Shoots the awake one. Hits but barely scratches them. SL kills him properly. SL then demands that the two now-awake and bleary-eyed guards surrender. The demands fall on deaf ears and they flee. Eddard & Lubenica focus down one of the escapees and bring him down. TF shoots the last one has definitely hurts him. SL closes and finishes him off.

Suddenly, the gates slam open and there stands George the Cleric.

We then check the kitchen and enter through a door that gives us the smaller chance of being surrounded if there’s any hostile. Shelves and two big chimneys. First row of shelves are empty with a dark stain in front of them. A woman at the back of the room is sweeping an already clean floor.

TF: “Ma’am, you are newly out of a job. As compensation, we can provide you passage somewhere else.”

The woman: “Who are you?”

TF: “Great heroes who wish to save this town from the Cursed Beet!”

She shudders at the name. she asks us if we’re infected. We say no. She says she hears speaking from below, but doesn’t know where. We bid out farewells and check a door in the kitchen. There is stuff blocking the door. SL takes out the Doorknocker and smashes the door and the recalcitrant stuff to splinters. Behind the door is a dining room with red cloth, floral patterns, high chairs, a big fireplace and dinnerware. No people. The dishes are made of porcelain and depicts peasants doing peasant things. Other dishes are pewter. GC breaks a porcelain dish and takes a piece of porcelain for breaking glass.

The party leaves the room and goes to the granary, where we suspect a secret passage is. Marching order is TF and SL, GC and Eddard, and Lubenica bringing up the rear. In center of granary are three big ale-barrels with scuff marks and shelves along the walls containing urns. SL taps the Doorknocker along the walls. TF pushes the barrels aside to reveal a trapdoor. Opening it reveals a passage down. GC gets another piece of porcelain from the dining room and throws it down the way. SL goes down first and finds another passage and trapdoor. SL opens the second trapdoor to find a dark windowless room with muted light from a wide copper brazier. A ritual assembly is in the middle of the room: a turtle shell covered with dark red paint and chalky powder. In front of the turtle is a short onyx and particle board column. In the shadows of the north wall are still figures.

SL and TF enter the room and find the figures to be inanimate. The figures are human-sized dolls made of corn husks. TF inspects their faces and finds no distinguishing features. TF more closely inspects the room and finds that the shell is polished and is inscribed with an unknown language. Inside the turtle shell is a rotted human placenta and bloodstains. GC inspects the placenta and tries Turning Undead. His holy symbol shines and illuminates against a supernatural darkness. Nothing reacts to the turning, but GC recognizes the writing as being a protective glyph. Next to the altar is a sacrificial dagger with a turtleskin hide and a metal tablet. SL inspects the tablet and reads it:

“I, servant of Turtle N., shall arise, unblessing myself, and I shall go myself into the open rye field under the bright moons, under the crowding starry dome, past the grave of the bones of the giants, and just as the bones of the giants do not bend or break so may my member not bend or break against woman’s flesh and parts and memorial bones. And I, servant of Turtle N., shall take my red elm stick and go into the open field, tossing up its head and looking into the sky and moons and Great Bear and strike the three-year-old bull on its horn.”

TF takes the tablet. It is very heavy.

TF considers burning the placenta. SL reminds him that doing so could very well complete whatever ritual was happening here, which would be a VERY BAD IDEA. TF does not immolate the placenta.

The party leaves the ritual room and goes to the Gatehouse. Night proper has now fallen. A loud snoring is heard. SL slowly opens door and GC turns undead. Inside the gatehouse are some barrels and a sleeping man with a tuft of black hair. He is leaning against a sack and is wearing a big coat. He’s muttering in his sleep about “Potatoes of Distant Harm”. On his shin is a reddish growth that looks like a beet.TF raises the possibility of shanking him. Three votes for shank. TF cuts the carotid artery. The blood spurts on TF and most likely is infected with Beetness. TF asks GC if he knows cleansing rituals. GC does not. There is a purple blemish where the blood touched TF’s mushroom-skin. TF asks Lubenica if she knows any cleansing rituals. She does not.

TF gathers a cup and some torn cloth and tests the barrels’ alcohol. Flammable. He is feeling woozy.

SL creeps into the root cellar to check if the beet is actually there. There are other root vegetables pushed up against the wall and large drag marks. SL cautiously peeks through the door. He sees evidence of a crude pulley system and a formerly narrow trapdoor. SL peeks further and sees a 10’ drop to an earthen floor that widens out into a direction, but empty except for shriveled parsnips and turnips.

TF rolls barrels to the root cellar door. Ties rope around an iron spike he placed at the top of the 10’ drop. The purple blemish is now larger and looks like a bruise. TF sets up another spike and rope and ties the other end of the rope to a barrel and lowers it down slowly. SL descends the first rope. TF lights a torch.

At the end of the tunnel is a proper door that leads to brickwork. TF finishes lowering the alcohol barrels, sets two at the opening of the door and carries one. Eddard is holding the torch. Marching order is SL & TF, GC and Eddard, then Lubenica. TF rolls other barrels into the new room. It’s dark. GC turns undead. No reaction. Cold tipping and tapping. We see beets woven into the wall, making up arcane symbols. Domed roof. An arrow is set alight and shot into the room. Arcane patterns continue for a while. For just a second, a huge mass with tendrils and two eyes. GC kicks one barrel into the room and TF shoots them with a flaming arrow. The Alcohol goes up, hurts the Beet and we hear a horrific cry. TF feels telepathic cry for help. Now that the Beet is on fire, we see that is a has a huge baby face with kissy lips; it’s on a plinth and has huge tendrils.

Beet wins resulting initiative. Beet turns towards SL and attempts to mind control SL so that he attacks GC. SL fails the saving throw. Beet continues burning. For movement, TF takes a barrel and closes to melee with the Beet, throwing more alcohol on the beet. GC casts light on the Beet’s eyeballs and the Beet just barely resists it. SL follows the Beets command but only punches him. SL fails the attack miserably, to the party’s relief. Beet looks at TF and says “You again. You’ve come into my domain. You shall face death or assimilation, fiend! What you said was outside was rather rude!” TF called it a Stupid Beet when he first encountered it.

The part wins initiative. Lubenica begins casting charm person. SL activates his barkskin ability. SL fires another fire arrow and lights the alcohol that TF threw on the Beet last turn. GC uses his sling and misses. TF attacks the Beet with a borrowed Doorknocker that bites into the Beet but doesn’t deal a huge amount of damage. Lubenica raises her arms to reveal purple-red bruises of Beetness and casts Charm Person on Eddard successfully. Eddard’s eyes glaze over and he readies his Eldish blade to attack GC and rolls a natural freaking 20. GC takes 10 damage out of 16 total HP. The Beet smacks TF but deals measly damage and doubly infects TF.

GC declares Cure Light Wounds and Beetside declares no spells. Beetside wins initiative. Lubenica attacks GC and misses. Eddard attacks SL and also misses. Townsfolk voices are heard behind us. Beet attacks TF twice, hits once, and deals more measly damage but another infection. TF does not succumb to Beetness. Beet continues burning, cooking even. GC resolves his Cure Light Wounds and heals 4 health back to 10. SL pushes Eddard aside and puts his scimitar straight through Lubenica’s heart. Lubenica’s last act is to reach for her holy symbol. Eddard is now no longer Charmed by her. SL: “Rest in peace, Pumpkin be with you.” TF attacks the Beet and misses again. TF feels his mind get even hazier. SL picks up the third barrel and runs into melee with the Beet and dashes the barrel against the Beet. GC douses his sling bullets in a flask of oil that he has. He lights a bullet on fire and shoots the dashed alcohol and hits, setting the alcohol on fire. The sling bullet is ineffective because it is not magic. TF tries spraying the Beet with Pacifying Spores but the Beet successfully saves.

The Beet attacks TF and SL. It hits TF but misses SL. TF suffers more than measly damage, is beginning to froth at the mouth and see red. 4 townsfolk enter the room, armed with pitchforks. Two attack GC, and two attack Eddard. One hit on each. 4 damage to GC and 2 to Eddard. SL’s scimitar can summon an immensely powerful air elemental. He does so now. It’s Air Elemental Time, y’all! SL commands the air elemental to attack the townsfolk. TF flails at the Beet and fails horribly due to the Beet’s mind haze. GC socks a townsfolk in the face and the bumpkin goes down hard. The Beet continues burning. SL whales on the Beet with his still-magical scimitar and hits: good damage dealt.

Beet attacks TF once and SL once. Both attacks miss. Townsfolk attack Eddard and hurt him badly. Beet uses suggestion on SL. SL fails his save and must dispel the air elemental. Townie misses GC. Last two townies attack Eddard and kill him. Eddard’s last words: “Fuck the Beet!” The Air elemental makes a massive Whirlwind attack against the townies and one is ripped apart.

Eddard’s torch went out when he died. TF lights another torch. SL dismisses the Air elemental by saying “Leave this room” and the air elemental is still technically with us. SL attacks the Beet and misses. GC attacks the Townies and misses. Air elemental passes through the last two peasants on its way out and rips them apart by accident. GC fires a flaming sling bullet and at least damages it a LITTLE bit. SL calls the elemental back to assail the beat. TF swings at the Beet and misses again.

Beet attacks TF and SL. Hits TF but not SL. Tostor Falo is killed. His last words: “I regret nothing. You are a very, very, VERY stupid beet!” The Beet responds with “Ah yes, foul mushroom, fungoid, gone forever!”

Beet attacks SL twice and misses both.

The air elemental regroups with the party. GC continues fire-slinging at the Beet and misses. SL and the air elemental attack the beet. The elemental strikes true and SL fumbles. Elemental is basically a tornado as it wallops and tears the Beet. Bits of beet fly everywhere and juice splashes. Finally, the Beet is dead. The Beet’s last words are “NOOOOOO!!” but the tornado mostly drowns it out. A pale green fist-sized gemstone is all that’s left over.

Loot: porcelain dishes (400 gp), stuff in Ritek’s bedroom. Gem costs 5,000 gp.

The air elemental turns to SL: “What next? I serve you for the next day.”

SL: “First, help us carry the dead back into the open air.”

As the party leaves, they see people are no longer crazy and infected. They are confused.

George the Cleric asks the air elemental to prepare him for life on the Plane of Air and to take him along for further adventures. The air elemental has been trapped in the scimitar for 1,001 nights. George finds floating cities and islands and gains the power of magical flight and a griffin. He visits the islands and hears of a dispute in the local wizarding college. Some of the wizards were too interested in the mortal world and left for the mortal world where they built towers on a floating island.

Tostor Falo is buried in the root cellar, where a small mushroom colony springs up. Eddard is cremated. TF’s body releases spores. Lubenica is brought back to her order. Eddard is returned to the company that hired him out to us. Lubenica’s order mourns her death and buries her in a patch of pumpkin. Survivors are hailed as heroes. Townsfolk return with the death of Ritek. Sir Leopold takes over Ctyri Cvrt as its new lord and founds a new branch of his house Swertferger. Alice, Hernin, and Alice’s dwarf landlady move into the town. Rural life is quiet and mostly uneventful.

Thus ends this Campaign in the Hill Cantons.